Smells like Rain

February 8th will make it my 3rd year at my job. I found out this morning that February 14th will be the last day we'll be open. Excuse me while I take some more time out to cry.

Merry Christmas everyone! Today and yesterday (when my family does most of the Christmas stuff) has been pretty good.

I also uploaded a ton of pictures at the photo gallery, mostly of the snow we got.

The domain was down today. I thought I renewed it on the 1st, but I was in a hurry at the time and sent off a request for my password (to logon and pay my invoice) before signing off. I never got back to it. I'm not sure how long it was down, but they were pretty fast at getting it back up after it was paid for.

Omg, omg, omg, omg! Hell yeah!

One of my goals on my 1001 Days list is to read five long books. Any suggestions? The last long book I completely read? America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction... I loved it so much I read EVERY word of it. I'm not too sure what I'm looking for. I have a few on my Amazon list by Bill Maher, but I'm not even sure about that right now. I need to make time to go to the library, hopefully later this week. The only book I know I'll get for sure is I Am America (And So Can You!). *shrugs* I have less than 1001 days to read five long books, and at the rate it takes me to clean my damn apartment or get simple things done, I need to get started reading something NOW. A thriller would be nice. Any suggestions?

I have a layout that's 99% complete, and has been for months, yet I'm note using it. I only sorta liked it while I was making it, and now I can't stand it. Hopefully I'll come up with something soon.

Also, Noel's an ass.

Let me start with the very start of my day, midnight. I went to bed around 12:30 since I had to be up at 6:30am this morning to get ready for work. I was so tired, so I expected to go right to sleep. It was after 1 (I know this because I heard the Daily Show on) when I went to sleep, but I didn't sleep.

I've had the sleep paralysis (lulz, Wikipedia) experience plenty of times before. It's when you're in bed and you can't move after waking from a sleep, or going to sleep. During this time, many people see and hear things that aren't there. It's true, they do play on your biggest fears.

The earliest one I can remember was probably middle school, when I was in bed and couldn't move, when I could have sworn I heard my window slide open (it was always loud since it's so big). I figured I was dreaming, and that's when I voice told me, "No, this isn't a dream, Ambrosia," and laughed. Yeah, it's funny now, but back then? Hell no! Eventually I was able to shake out of it. That was during the time I was really freaked out about break-ins. A former cop in the neighborhood shot and killed a guy who broke into his house (he and his friend each had a weapon, so the homeowner was lucky he shot first). Plus, the strong winds rattled my window. Once I really thought I heard footsteps outside the window and had my parents look.

I also had days when I would watch the clock as I slept, and couldn't move. When I would finally wake up, I'd have no idea what time it was or if I was actually awake. I would have turn on the light and sit in bed until I decided I was truly up.

Stress and bad sleeping habits tend to increase the chances you'll have one, so of course I was hit while pregnant. I remember falling asleep on the couch either because Noel was pissing me off, or because the heartburn was so bad that I wanted to sit up for a while, but with no effort since I was tired. I feel asleep and opened my eyes. I heard yelling outside the window, which wasn't too odd since I do live in an apartment. It tends to be a quiet place; however, I figured I slept until the early morning and it was just people getting ready for work or school. Then the yelling sounded like fighting, so I tried to get up since it scared me. Couldn't move. All I could do is look straight up at the roof and listen. It wasn't too bad since I do live on the second floor, that, however, didn't stop me from worrying if someone was about to get hurt and needed me to call the cops. Silence. The episode had ended. Nope, I couldn't move. *stomp, stomp, stomp...* Someone was coming up the stairs, fast. Still stuck. *clinging like keys, creaakkk, gentle close* Someone. Is. In. My. Apartment! Still. Stuck. By this point, I couldn't breathe with the thought of my unborn daughter, myself, and Noel being harmed. Motor skills! While I was thrilled I could move my arms, I feared someone would see me. Finally, I was able to turn my head, and no one was there. I knew it was just a "dream". "I need to get my ass up and go to bed, at least if I trip again I can be next to Noel to tell me I'm really awake now." Too late. As soon as I snapped out of it, I went back to sleep. Not for long, since I ended up "stuck" again. I can't remember if I heard noises the second time, but I was able to force myself out of it faster and get right up to bed.

Can you figure out one of my fears? I have a strong fear of someone breaking into my place and robbing me. Everyone has that fear, it's just that I REALLY let it get to me. I check locks several times (I did this even when I still lived at home) and ever since I got my apartment, I'll look out the peakhole in attempt to ease my fears that someone is waiting for me to turn out all the lights.

The next time was about a year ago. I was talking to Noel on the phone (when he was staying in the LA area for school). Despite just getting off the phone with him, when I went to sleep I dreamed he was there (which he was during the weekends). I was "sleep" on my back and looking at the roof when a sound like a television hit my ears. The sound increased, and I yelled out (I don't know if I talk in my sleep, but I at least dreamed this) something along the lines of, "Noel, turn down the TV! It's late." I did fall asleep with the TV on (I put it on a sleep timer), but it wasn't loud. I think I did see the TV from the corner of my eye, though. It took a second for me to realize that Noel wasn't there, which tripped me the hell out since I felt like someone was there. You know what happened next. Stuck! "Ah, damn it. I feel asleep on my back." Then, the fun started. I saw something at the ceiling. I don't know If I would explain it as ghost or something, but it was "air-like" and floated. I tired to move to get Aaliyah (sleeping next to me, but couldn't). It smiled at my attempt to protect her and then moved towards her. I freaked and it came back, like it was fucking with my mind before it went towards her again. Since I don't believe in things like that, I had a strong feeling I was dreaming again and flipped it off (lol, I don't know). Eventually I snapped out of it and the TV was on. Aaliyah was sleeping next to me. Even though I knew it was a dream, that "feeling" was still there, you know? That uncomfortable feeling. My fear there? No being able to protect my daughter.

Now I never sleep on my back. All of those happened while I was sleep on my back, which does increase the odds of happening. Which is strange since I had the most "OMG, what's that noise? I'm stuck!" occurrences last night while I slept on my side." So, back to last night (where we started long ago in this tl;dr entry). I kept hearing things and freaking out. Most of it was in the parking lot, but a lot of it sounded like it was from my own apartment. I couldn't move, of course, but I was able to snap out of them quickly. The only problem was, I would go right back to sleep and fall right back into the nosies. One time I even rolled on my stomach to sleep, thinking that would help. Nope. I had to look for real life clues to be sure I was awake. For example, one time The Simpsons was on TV but the latest it's on is 11pm. I figured I would call Noel just to chat, thinking it would bring me completely to reality. I lifted my cell phone to dial, and then remembered my cell phone was in my purse. Yep, I was back into it. Once I finally got control again, I grabbed the cordless from next to me. It was almost 3am. I couldn't believe I endured that crap for hours. I felt myself drifting off again. When I lifted the phone I wasn't sure if I was dreaming or not. I put the phone down and lifted it several times, so I wouldn't be surprised if all but one of those was a dream. I dialed Noel three times and gave up. I'm sure I was going to beg him to come sleep over. I forced myself out of bed to turn on the TV and just stay awake the rest of the morning. I eventually drifted to sleep, only to have a dream that Noel cheated again. There were text messages to some girl and they were talking shit about me and he said he loved her. Fun. By the time I woke from that, it was 6am. Yay, thirty minutes to attempt some sleep. > I wonder if my "dreaming" was over how I felt before I slept. I just felt uncomfortable and wanted to keep checking the door. I don't know.

Now I'm tired. I'd sleep, but I have a lot to do. Oh, that and the fact that I'm afraid to sleep tonight. D: